| Is it me or do they launch the space shuttle | | | | "...the fifty-four-year-old astronomer |
| these days for the sole purpose of repairing | | | | claimed that not only was Pluto still a |
| what went wrong on takeoff to avoid | | | | planet but that it was inhabited by Irish |
| catastrophes upon re-entry? I support safety | | | | sheepdogs." |
| but nowadays the phrase "Let's light this | | | | |
| candle"--famously spoken week after week by | | | | This is clearly news you will see nowhere |
| Rabbi Mordechai Goldfarb of Congregation Beth | | | | else. |
| Shalom in the Connecticut suburb of Old | | | | |
| Saybrook--takes on a new meaning. | | | | The shuttle program languished until February |
| | | | 1, 2003, when Cuban percussionist Ramón |
| The space program was all but dead after a | | | | "Mongo" SantamarÃa passed away |
| successful series of moon missions in the | | | | unexpectedly. Ironically, his music was |
| '60s and '70s. Though that was the heyday of | | | | playing at mission control that day when |
| LSD, so whether or not man actually walked on | | | | Columbia burned up upon re-entry. NASA |
| the moon remains a mystery. One thing that we | | | | scientists determined that a hole formed on |
| know for sure is that Tom Hanks was THIS | | | | the shuttle's wings, caused by a piece of |
| close to doing so, but didn't (as illustrated | | | | foam that peeled away from the fuel tank |
| in the Hollywood blockbuster film "Tom Hanks | | | | during the launch. |
| Never Walked on the Moon"). | | | | |
| | | | Since then, NASA has become the king of all |
| Launched with much fanfare in the early | | | | overprotective mommies when it comes to its |
| 1980s, presumably by engineers who hated '80s | | | | space program. Upon launch, every shuttle's |
| electronica music so badly that they couldn't | | | | cargo bay is stocked with heat-resistant |
| even stay on the same planet with it, the | | | | tiles, a Costco-sized container of Tang and |
| space shuttle program represented the next | | | | several cases of those diapers the crazy |
| revolution in space travel. The orbiter was | | | | astronaut wore when she drove cross-country |
| able to run missions repeatedly...unless, of | | | | faster than a shuttle in order to "talk to" |
| course, someone forgot to tighten a screw | | | | someone who made whoopee with her imagined |
| somewhere along the way. | | | | astronaut boyfriend. |
| | | | |
| Such was the unfortunate case with the space | | | | The tiles in the cargo bay are there to |
| shuttle Challenger, which completed nine | | | | replace damage sustained upon takeoff. |
| missions before disintegrating on January 28, | | | | Meaning: The space program has become the |
| 1986. This disaster could have been avoided | | | | world's costliest unnecessary repair shop. |
| had the O-rings been shaped like actual O's, | | | | |
| rather than rhombuses. Seven lives, and a | | | | In the old days, astronauts lived on the |
| vehicle almost as cool as a DeLorean, were | | | | edge. Staring death in the face, and in most |
| lost as a result of a simple geometry | | | | cases dying doing so. But they earned the |
| problem. | | | | acclaim of the American people. |
| | | | |
| The Challenger disaster brought the space | | | | Noted sci-fi author Larry Niven put it best |
| program to a grinding halt-until they built a | | | | in 2001 when he said, "Dinosaurs became |
| space shuttle with a much cooler name. Thus | | | | extinct because they didn't have a space |
| was born the Endeavour, which while an | | | | program. And if we become extinct because we |
| American spacecraft, was inexplicably named | | | | don't have a space program, it'll serve us |
| by a Brit called Reginald Huggins, | | | | right!" Which begs the question: Has he been |
| III--thereby explaining the randomly placed | | | | conscious for the past 40 years? |
| "U." | | | | |
| | | | Nevertheless, the space program forges ahead. |
| Shuttle launches eventually became passé. | | | | The space station won't build itself, |
| Launch coverage moved from broadcast networks | | | | diapered astronauts need training for their |
| to the Weekly World News, which features the | | | | next tile-replacement mission and sci-fi |
| latest-breaking space news you won't read | | | | writers need to ignore reality and say |
| anywhere else, such as this actual passage: | | | | ridiculous things about why dinosaurs went |
| | | | extinct. |